What do women talk about?

Weather 2min. Work 5min. Kids 5min. Family rarely maybe 2min. Clothes 10min. Shoes 20min

Men and Sex the rest of the time and we tie it in with all of the above.

It’s clear that when chics get together there is one topic that takes precedence over all global issues. Men and Sex. How they don’t have a man and are not having sex. How they have a man and are having bad sex. How they don’t have a man and are having great sex. How they have a man and are having no sex because it’s just better that way….hahahaha!

We are brutal when it comes to men and sex. We go to great lengths to break down the issue into its simplest form so we understand our own shortcomings…..NOT! hahaha! All our conversations start off with the weather, then “oh I forgot to tell you, Jim and I fucked in the heated pool last night and u know how I hate the pool” . “Wow, were you guys alone?” And before you know it everyone has to recite a similar water incident with a current or ex until someone else mentions how much they hate their job.

So we try and find out why they hate a job they once loved. We hear how the weathers is bad, the man doesn’t help with kids, his family is always around, he complains that we shop too much and why do we need so many pairs of shoes?! Immediate enemy on the radar. We exchange glances and then “So when last did the two of you have sex?” All eyes on the complainer, “Weeks ago! I had to even fake that orgasm!” Our response would be “Typical! You poor thing you! You don’t deserve this kind of behaviour! Hes such an ass! If he spent less time complaining about our shopping and shoes he would be able to perform better in the bedroom that lame ass of a fuck! What are you still doing with this wanker? Remember whats his name….Neil from university he was such a hottie and you two had crazy sex, I wonder what happen to him?” And then everyone moves onto university stories about the older hot guys ahead of us.   

Inevitably the story always comes back to the current man and sex scene. Every women around that table will share the most explicit detail, good or bad about their guy. It’s completely different with guys who rarely share explicit information about their partners for fear that their friends might conjure up some crazy fantasy about their woman. Women want to hear what he is doing right, how he does it, how long do these sessions last and if he is really good at all. One thing women never ever speak about is what they do in the bedroom. Lol! Occasionally you may hear, “I just lay there and did nothing until I came cos he really pissed me off at dinner!” LOL! Or “I saw an email from his ex on his laptop the other day, so when we were in bed I told him to go ask her to suck him off!”

What we do we never speak about. What he does is all we talk about. Older relationships revolve around trying new things or the boredom and monotony of the sex.  It is really interesting when one of us has a new relation, because we get to hear sordid details about some new hottie. All eyes glued on the speaker, almost like watching a documentary, a few hmmms here and wows there. Very very entertaining.  

One of particular relevance, I had a conference at a Cricket Stadium. My partner at the time, and I decided to wander around and eventually found a spot in the media room where we had mind blowing sex with the most amazing view of a world class stadium coupled with an unlocked door and an open field. This episode had the ladies attention for weeks and every time they saw this stadium I would get a call….”Guess what I just passed….You lucky bitch!” We share it all, Airplanes, beaches, cars, movies theatres, pools, parks, balconies, bathrooms, change rooms, restaurants, porn, clubs, toys, fantasies…you name it and there is a friend that did it!

We usually get together at a restaurant or at our houses. The day we meet in a public place, we are guaranteed to get snotty glances from the patrons, We attribute this to their lack of great sex and friends! Bursts of laughter follow huge silences and the mood is so light hearted that we sometimes get the managers or waiters opinions on various issues that leave them awestruck. The single good looking men around can’t help but give us the eye…..”Oh wouldn’t he like to be the subject of discussion here!” 

Women thrive on these girls bitching sessions and after one of these sessions we feel refreshed, rejuvenated, free and happy. No amount of time in a psychologists office will get you feeling this good and this is why I recommend you join the group and experience what all this hype is about! You will not be disappointed. We look forward to spending time with you…XX       

LOVE and why women fall prey to this scam?

Loves reality has two faces, that of in love and all out of love. Women we speak to through this forum have experienced both and are plagued with feelings of optimism, hope, pessimism, heartbreak and anger. Over the years seeing friends go from one relationship to another, after unanimous conversations on Love and the scam that we repeatedly find it to be, one thing remains clear, the primary reason that causes women to fall prey to “LOVE” is Loneliness and Boredom.

Loneliness

So you moved out of your folks homes years ago, shared an apartment with a friend or lover husband, probably still do, live on your own or with your kids but a void remains. A space that only a partner can fullfil.

You spend your days reminiscing on past love affairs, regardless how septic they were, you have no recollection of bad circumstances surrounding that break up. Church groups and club hopping only hold water for a few days and even the best friend and children don’t identify with that emotional and physical need that no longer can be supressed. Days later you find yourself in the wrong place at the right time and somehow someone manages to say exactly what you remember from a movie the previous night, “ Sorry you dropped this…” haha! And well yeah, you did, (deliberately or not), a conversation struck, cards and Facebook IDs exchanged and communication begins quickly.

A few lines and lots of flattery later, unknowingly, you barely have enough hours in a day between, work, chatting, personal care, family and this new interest who just happens to be spending every waking second with you virtually and physically. You tend to not really notice their shortcomings and deceptions for fear of facing a harsh reality and during this time these men are really throwing it in there. Telling you all sorts of hard core facts about themselves while you are floating somewhere along cloud number nine. Like how they have never read a book in their life, they despise cleaning, they hate kids, love bars and parties that never end, they are not into marriage or Christianity  and even conversations about their pot bellies seem funny at the time. In extreme circumstances you actually believe the bit that they are in bad relationships with a witch of a woman who is pregnant with their child. They really load it on thick and heavy and make it sound so trivial that we really believe these innocent creatures all because we do not want to be alone. So we decide that its cool we will revisit that issue later and continue with this seemingly honest new found friend. 

It doesn’t take long before you’re thrown into reality that this relationship was a mistake but its already too late to get out, so you salvage what you can and just tolerate this person and their stories and life wondering how you missed such obvious tell tale signs of lies and deceit. Now you know that if he was capable of deceiving another perfectly innocent person, he would be capable of deceiving you.  Loneliness sucked you into an emotionally dependant state that you were unable to make clear decisions regarding your long term wellbeing. Loneliness makes one exceedingly tolerant to alarmingly psychotic levels whereby we make The Great Mahatma and Mother Teresa look shameful!  

          

Sex   

Regardless of age, experience, race or religion, every woman fantasizes about some amazing sexual encounter. It is always playing in the background like some repetitive movie that doesn’t disappear but just evolves over experience. This section is aimed at women who actually know a thing or two about sex and themselves. 

You are really not a lonely person, you have your life plan in order, probably not going exactly as planned but it remains unchanged and you are on emotionally on track. The only place you have for a man in your life is this role of sex because you have already figured out their uses and know that undoubtedly this is the one thing that even if they suck at it (no pun intended) they will still try what pleases you, against all odds for the sake of their overwhelming ego. Hahaha!!

So you meet this guy, wherever it may be, he “seems” normal according to your superficial standards, or you really could care less what his surname is, have a few introductory conversations and coffees. You have a look at your checklist;

1.       Does he look attractive?

2.       Can he hold a conversation with you for more than 30mins with occasional but regular glances at your bosom?

3.       Does he have personality even if it is fake?

4.       Can he make you laugh in the most unassuming way with extreme wit and ease?

So you answered YES to your checklist and he scores 100%! Now for the deal breaker, How would his performance be in the bedroom? Only one way to find out, clearly it is still game on if he put up with all your attitude thus far. It could go two ways, mind blowing amazing sex from the outset or average and below, sex which is just UNACCEPTABLE!

Deal breaker done and with a below average performance, to say the least for fear that he may be reading this article, haha, you were placed in a position to act like it rocked your world when all he did was actually rock nothing not even the couch. The maltese from across the road had more on this guy. Maybe he was nervous, hahahaha! Well a few tries later, with his aim just about as far as those rugby posts, he was just not getting it. So much of effort from his side with such poor outcomes on your side! He needed some advice and he could either be offended or practice to please. Problems identified with a few glitches and immediate improvements, with you two well on your way to great sex.

Once SEX gets arranged properly from the outset, there will be no wondering eyes between the two of you as everything you need is well within this perfect arrangement. From here things could get emotional very quickly and love definitely on the cards, all based on the very critical premise: “women who actually know a thing or two about sex and themselves.”

If you are not one of these women, I suggest you abstain from sex for fear that you can easily become emotionally captive by a sexual retard and continue to read about great sex in magazines. If you choose to go ahead, let it be entirely for the sake of experience and not LOVE!   

Advancement of your species! LOL!

PROCREATION ofcourse! What other reason to involve yourself in the LOVE debacle! Hahaha! Kidding ladies!

Seriously though, all women reach a point when that mom instinct kicks in, even though itcomes in spasms….note not orgasms! And it’s relatively short lived. You reach a point where clubbing, bars, online chats, best friends settling down, growing older, etc etc etc all kick in and you realise, Im done with this krap, I want a cute tiny little baby too and as society dictates, you need  a man or a husband to get this job done! 

So what choice do we have really but to search for the strongest gene out there, in search of the fastest swimmer, minimum defects, easy on the eye, great stamina, stable mind, hahahaha!, with a tight ass. I mean how difficult can this really be? Well easy enough you find him, somewhat with a few of these qualities, hahaha or maybe with none of it. Okay so he’s not all that but he may make a good dad and you go ahead with the LOVE scam all in the name of Procreation! 

   

So ladies, I’m telling you something you already know, there is no such thing as love! know there is no such thing as the perfect relation because there is no such thing as the perfect man! So stop watching those romantic comedy movies….And stay far far away from any Bollywood flick!!  Quit being so gullible.  

I recommend you find a person that is mature, who shares your ideals on life and have an arrangement to always be there as a witness to each others lives. Get married if you want but get your attorneys to draw up an agreement that secures this lifetime partnership.

Marriage is the only unilateral agreement that can be cancelled by either party without reason. There are mortgages and loans out there more secure than the contract of marriage! Something to think about Hey!…..This is your life we are talking about. Men think more about their financial obligations than their verbal contracts, so put it in terms they understand and see how many more men actually take the walk down to the altar!               

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